The handbook of cynics. A welcome place to find solace (or a handy tool to pull out) whenever you find yourself floundering in a sea of optimism and positive thinking. Here’s just a handful of shining gems to darken up the day, the book in all its splendour can be found here.


ACHIEVEMENT, n.
The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

ACQUAINTANCE, n.
A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

ARCHITECT, n.
One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

BELLADONNA, n.
In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

BRUTE, n.
See HUSBAND.

CAT, n.
A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle.

COMFORT, n.
A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

DISCUSSION, n.
A method of confirming others in their errors.

HEARSE, n.
Death's baby-carriage.

LEARNING, n.
The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

MARRIAGE, n.
The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all, two.

MISFORTUNE, n.
The kind of fortune that never misses.

ONCE, adv.
Enough.

OTHERWISE, adv.
No better.

PEACE, n.
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

PHILOSOPHY, n.
A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

PLAN, v.t.
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

POLITENESS, n.
The most acceptable hypocrisy.

POSITIVE, adj.
Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

REALITY, n.
The dream of a mad philosopher.

VOTE, n.
The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.