PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was an historical inevitability.
TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take.
SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
CAPTAIN JAMES T KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
DANA SCULLY: It was a simple bio-mechanical reflex that is commonly found in chickens.
RICHARD M NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
ROBERT FROST: To cross the road less traveled by.
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
THE SPHINX: You tell me.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road - it transcended it.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken 'crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
JOSEPH STALIN: I don't care. Catch it. I need its eggs to make my omelette.
WALT WHITMAN: To cluck the song of itself
JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That’s what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.
KURT VONNEGUT: And so it goes -- to the other side.
JACQUES DERRIDA: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
CAESAR: To come, to see, to conquer.
LEDA: Are you sure it wasn't Zeus dressed as a chicken? He's into that kind of thing, you know.
CARL JUNG: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
DOUGLAS ADAMS: Forty-two.
MARCEL MARCEAU:
HENRY DAVID THOREAU: To live deliberately...and suck all the marrow out of life.
LEE IACOCCA: It found a better car, which was on the other side of the road.
LUDWIG WITTGENSTEIN: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "chicken" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
T.S. ELIOT: Weialala leia / Wallala leialala.
ZENO OF ELEA: To prove it could never reach the other side.
SISYPHUS: Was it pushing a rock, too?
JOSEPH CONRAD: Mistah Chicken, he dead.
GEORGE WASHINGTON: Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776. But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a birdie during the duration.
DYLAN THOMAS: To not go gentle into that good night.
JOHN MILTON: To justify the ways of God to men.
THOMAS DE QUINCEY: Because it ran out of opium.
MICHEL FOUCAULT: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.
BOB DYLAN: How many roads must one chicken cross?
JOHANN FRIEDRICH VON GOETHE: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
JAMES JOYCE: Once upon a time, a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed the road and met a moocow coming down...
IMMANUEL KANT: Because it was a duty.
H. P. LOVECRAFT: To escape the eldritch, cthonic, rugose, polypous, indescribably horrible abomination not from our space-time continuum.
LUDWIG VAN BEETHOVEN: What? Speak up.
NIETZSCHE: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
OLIVER NORTH: National Security was at stake.
JEAN-PAUL SARTRE: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
O. J. SIMPSON: It didn't. I was playing golf with it at the time.
B. F. SKINNER: Because the external influences, which had pervaded its sensorium from birth, had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
MARGARET THATCHER: There was no alternative.
JACK NICHOLSON: ’Cause it f*****g wanted to. That's the f*****g reason.
EMILY DICKINSON: Because it could not stop for death.
NATO: We cannot have chickens wandering over the roads whenever they feel like it
STAN LAUREL: I'm sorry, Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
GOTFRIED VON LEIBNIZ: In this best possible world, the road was made for it to cross.
GROUCHO MARX: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.
SIR ISAAC NEWTON: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
THOMAS PAINE: Out of common sense.
MARK TWAIN: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
WILLIAM WORDSWORTH: To have something to recollect in tranquility.
GRANDPA: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
VOLTAIRE: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
HOMER SIMPSON: There was free beer on the other side of the road.
SHAKESPEARE: To cross or not to cross, that is the question.
RENE DESCARTES: Since the chicken does not really exist it was only an illusion that the chicken crossed the road. This illusion was only in my mind. Therefore I created the chicken that crossed the road.
GANDHI: All chickens should peacefully resist by crossing the road.
NEIL ARMSTRONG: That's one small step for Chicken, one giant leap for Chicken kind.
L.A.P.D.: Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
JOHN LOCKE: Because he was exercising his natural right to liberty.
ALBERT CAMUS: It doesn't matter; the chicken's actions have no meaning except to him.
THE POPE: That is only for God to know.
GEORGE ORWELL: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?
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